I've Lost Something I Can't Get Back
by The Alice Killer - Storm
Summary: Misaki is told she's going to go blind in less than 4 months. How is she going to break the news to everyone?


It started off almost unnoticeable. Misaki found herself having to move closer to things or squint to see them. She didn't think much of it, until it started getting harder to see. She went to the eye doctor to see what was going on. Misaki assumed she would just need some glasses to help her out.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

"You'll go completely blind before long."

"I'm sorry, what?" Misaki stared at him in disbelief.

"You have a pretty common eye disease. It always ends with the person losing most of their vision. I'd say you have about four months of decreasing sight before you'll be legally blind." The doctor explained.

It was at that moment that her world fell apart. Already doubting herself, this just made everything worse. What would everyone think of her now? Would her friends abandon her for being different from how they always knew her?

Misaki barely managed to hold back tears. This wasn't good. Her life was going to fall apart. And there was nothing she could do to stop it.

Now, how was she going to break the news to the band?

DIVIDER--

When they had practice next, Misaki hid away in Michelle to avoid having to face them yet. She couldn't find the right words to say. So, she hid herself.

"Michelle? Are you okay? You seem a little down." Kokoro asked after they finished up their practice.

"Huh? Oh… I'm just a little worried about something." Misaki replied.

"What is it? Can we help?" Kokoro asked.

"It's nothing to worry about. I can handle it." Misaki tried her best to keep up the act, "But, I need to go now. I hope you don't mind."

"Okay. See you soon, Michelle!"

Misaki ran off as fast as she could. She couldn't even tell them anything then. She was too afraid. Too afraid they'd hate her for changing. But, that wasn't all.

If Misaki had to leave, what would happen? She'd have to tell them that she was Michelle. Because they'd just say she could fill in for her. This was going to be an ugly mess no matter what.

DIVIDER--

As the days went by, so did her vision. Misaki found herself constantly running into walls and tripping over things. She gave up trying at school. She couldn't see the board even in the front row. Everything was going wrong.

Misaki didn't want to go to practice. But, she had to. She sighed as she drug herself to where all the others were waiting.

"Ah, Misaki! You made it!" Hagumi spotted her first.

"Yeah." Misaki replied blankly.

"Is something troubling you, my dearest Misaki?" Kaoru asked.

"I'm fine." Misaki insisted, "Can we get this started?"

"Sure. Let's go in!"

Misaki tried to stick behind one of them, but that didn't work. She ended up walking into a wall. Right in front of them all.

"Um… you sure you're okay?" Kanon asked.

"I-I'm fine!" Misaki insisted, "I was just not paying attention."

They made it to the room without any further incidents. Misaki sighed. This was not going well.

"Are you not feeling well?" Kaoru asked, "Perhaps you should rest instead?"

"Guys… I… I need to talk to you…" Misaki said. She had to tell them eventually.

"What's up?" Kokoro asked.

"Um… just… what if I had to leave for a while? I… I think I'll have to. It's nothing serious, I just need some time off…" Misaki started off.

"That's fine. Michelle can just come instead."

Kanon gave Misaki a worried look. How was this going to play out?

"Michelle isn't gonna be available for a while. She had to go visit her family and won't be back for quite some time. Sorry… I forgot to tell you guys." Misaki lied.

"Oh… well, if you need time off, then you should take it. We'll be fine for a bit." Kokoro said.

"What if…" Misaki gulped, "What if I never was able to come back?"

"Is there something going on?" Kanon asked.

"I-I'm just asking! You never know. Things might not go like they're supposed to." Misaki defended.

"Well, when Michelle gets back she'll just take over." Hagumi stated, "Right?"

Misaki sighed. This was going nowhere. She'd have to tell them the truth. But, she hesitated. She didn't know why.

"Y-Yeah. Um, I think you're right… I should just rest instead… so, mind if I go home?" Misaki wanted to get out of there.

"Go ahead. Get well soon!" Kokoro nodded.

"Get better!"

"Rest up."

Misaki navigated her way home and locked herself in her room. She started crying. This was not working at all. Why couldn't she just tell them the truth? Why was she such a coward?

"Damnit!" Misaki threw a picture of the band across the room.

It shattered and fell to the ground. Misaki started sobbing.

"Why… why did this have to happen to me!?" She screamed as she started wildly throwing random things around her room.

"Why… why am I such a coward… why can't I just admit the truth…"

A knock came from the outside of her door, "Misaki? Are you alright?"

Misaki froze. It was hard not to be able to recognize the voice. For some reason, Kaoru had followed her home. Just how much of her outburst had she heard?

"Why are you here?" Misaki asked.

"It didn't seem right to leave a little kitten of mine alone while they were sick. It appears as though perhaps this isn't what one would consider a sickness." Kaoru responded.

Misaki sighed. Kaoru definitely heard some of her outburst. What was she supposed to say?

She got up and unlocked the door. Kaoru stepped inside. They sat on her bed together.

"What seems to be troubling you?" Kaoru asked.

"It's nothing you need to worry about." Misaki stated.

"Well, as-"

"Don't. I don't want to hear any of your stupid quotes right now." Misaki cut her off.

Kaoru said nothing in reply. Misaki sighed and covered her face with her hands. This sucked. How was she supposed to tell them?

"Kaoru-san?" Misaki said.

"Yes?"

"I… there's a problem…" Misaki mumbled, "I'm… I'm going to… to…"

"Take your time." Kaoru soothed.

Misaki couldn't see her very well, but she felt Kaoru start brushing her hair. Misaki bit back yelling at her for it. Perhaps she needed some comfort.

"I'm gonna go blind."

"Blind? Like, completely?" Kaoru asked.

"Pretty much… got some sort of eye disease…" Misaki sighed.

"So, this is why you've been having trouble." Kaoru said, "Why didn't you say something sooner?"

"I was afraid…"

"Afraid of what?"

"That you guys would leave me… cause I can't be in the band if I go blind…" Misaki mumbled.

"There's no need to worry, my dear Misaki. We can work around your sudden change." Kaoru replied.

"Kaoru-san… there's something you need to know." Misaki sighed, "About Michelle."

"And what would that be?"

"Michelle is… is me." Misaki mumbled.

"You still are insisting that?"

"She's just a costume I wear. Why won't you guys believe that? It's the truth." Misaki sighed, "Here. Let me show you."

Misaki went to her closet and pulled out Michelle. She couldn't see enough to make out Kaoru's expression, but she could feel the atmosphere in the room change.

"So… it was the truth…" Kaoru said after a while.

Misaki nodded, "Yeah. Now do you see the bigger problem? There's no one to take my place…"

"We'll figure it out. But, first we should tell everyone." Kaoru stated.

"I don't know how to…"

"Just say what you said to me." Kaoru said, "It can't be that hard."

"Easy for you to say." Misaki rolled her eyes.

"Then I'll tell them."

Misaki sighed. Kaoru didn't seem to get what that phrase actually meant. Though, she started considering accepting the proposal. Then she wouldn't have to do it. That was what was holding her back. She was too afraid to say anything.

"Okay… just, keep it brief. They just need to know I'm going blind and no one's there to replace me." Misaki said.

"Alright. I can do that." Kaoru smiled, happy she was able to help.

"Thanks."

DIVIDER--

Misaki later found out that Kaoru hadn't done as she had told her. She made the message a lot longer than it needed to be. Kaoru had ended up texting the group chat with the message. Misaki sighed. Well, at least they all knew now.

It wouldn't be too long before she was completely blind. Her vision was so little at this point. She could barely see anything. It was all just a blur of dim color. She couldn't make out anything.

Misaki started ditching school completely. She didn't see a reason to go when she couldn't see. No one was there to help her. She talked to the guidance counselor but nothing came of it. She wasn't given any accommodations.

She had also shut herself off from her friends. She didn't answer her phone. She didn't show up to practice. She didn't answer when they came looking for her.

Misaki was depressed. Losing her vision was tough. She couldn't handle it very well. She felt like a burden to everyone. They had to make special accommodations for her. She had to be guided everywhere. She refused to use the cane she had been given. She hated it. Hated how it showed she was different than everyone else.

One day, they weren't taking her silence any longer. The other four girls showed up at her house after school and refused to leave. They weren't going anywhere except inside the house. Misaki most definitely did not want them inside. But, no matter how much she yelled at them to go away, they stayed. She was losing the battle.

After going back and forth for a good ten minutes, Misaki finally relented and opened the door. Everyone walked inside before she could change her mind. Misaki kept her head down. Even if she couldn't see them, she still couldn't bring herself to be level with them.

"Misaki, why are you shutting us out?" Kanon asked.

"Go away." Misaki repeated for who knows the number of times.

"We want to help you. Please let us." Hagumi pleaded.

"I don't want help. I'm fine. Just let me be alone." Misaki grumbled.

"But, you're our friend. We want to help you." Kokoro said.

"I don't want help!" Misaki swung out at them.

She wasn't sure if it would hit anyone. It didn't. Her fist was caught by someone. Misaki yanked her hand away.

"Leave me alone!" She yelled and then ran up to her room. She slammed the door shut and locked it.

"Misaki, talk to us. What's wrong?" Kanon asked.

"Everything is wrong!" Misaki shot back, "My life is ruined because of this!"

"It's not. You can still do what you want." Kaoru stated.

Misaki scoffed, "I doubt that."

"What do you want to do?" Kokoro asked.

"Why does it matter? It's never gonna happen. Now, leave me in peace." Misaki growled.

"Why won't you talk to us? We're your friends, aren't we?" It was obvious they were all getting emotional.

"Please… I just want to be alone…" Misaki whispered.

"But-"

"Tomorrow." Misaki cut them off, "We'll talk tomorrow. I promise."

"Okay…"

They weren't very happy about having to wait another day, but they were glad she was finally agreeing to talk. They left her alone for the day.

DIVIDER--

The next day, they showed up again. Misaki let them inside without a fight this time. They went to her room and sat together on the floor. Misaki sighed and fiddled with her hands.

"So… you haven't left your house since you went blind…" Kokoro tried to start it off, "Why?"

"I don't want to make people cater to me… I just want to be normal again…" Misaki mumbled.

"Could anything fix this?" Kanon asked.

Misaki shook her head, "The doctor said it's not something they can fix."

"You should come back to school. I promise it'll be okay." Hagumi pleaded.

"No. I'm not going back." Misaki growled.

"Why won't you?" Kaoru asked.

"Because they refuse to do anything for me. Even if I wanted these accommodations, they won't give them to me." Misaki grumbled.

"Oh… what about transferring?" Kanon suggested.

"No. I'm just gonna get online schooled. It's easier." Misaki shook her head.

"Alright… well, will you come back to practice?" Kokoro asked.

"Why? What's that gonna do? I can't see what I'm doing." Misaki sighed.

"Um… could you possibly memorize the setup?" Hagumi asked.

"I don't know…" Misaki sighed.

"Wanna try?" Kokoro asked.

"I guess we can try." Misaki agreed.

She couldn't see it, but everyone was smiling. They had made progress. They had all thought she'd never agree to work with them again. With the way she had been acting, it seemed like it would never work out.

DIVIDER--

A few days later, Kaoru showed up to take Misaki to the CiRCLE for practice. Misaki hated that she needed to be guided, but she had no choice. They walked slowly. It took a while before they reached the place.

"You're here! Let's go!" Kokoro was excited.

They went into their rented room. Misaki was placed behind her setup. She awkwardly ran her hand across it. It was weird. She had to try and remember where everything was.

"M-maybe we could add some Braille? I've been learning how to read it… maybe that would make it so I could still do this?" Misaki offered.

"Sure! We can do that!" Kokoro agreed immediately. She was happy to do anything if it meant keeping Misaki in the band.

"You do know that means we can't have her be Michelle on stage then, right?" Kanon reminded her.

"Oh… that's fine! She'll just only do it off stage then." Kokoro wasn't bothered by that at all.

"So… this means you'll come back?" Hagumi asked.

Misaki nodded, "As long as you'll help me out, I guess it wouldn't hurt to stay."

"Wonderful. It really wasn't the same when you weren't here." Kaoru added.

"I'm sorry about hiding away from you guys… I was just embarrassed about this. You've probably seen how clumsy I get now…" Misaki mumbled.

"It's fine, Misaki. We understand." Kanon reassured her.

"So, what are we gonna do today?" Kaoru asked.

"We can show Misaki the new song we've been working on!" Kokoro declared.

"That sounds like a good idea." Everyone else agreed.

Misaki was sat in a chair off to the side and told to listen. She was surprised they had managed to write an entire song in such a short amount of time. And, it wasn't bad at all. Misaki had been expecting parts to sound off, but it flowed smoothly.

"I… I think it's really good." Misaki said after it ended, "You guys did a good job writing it."

"Thank you! We made it especially for you. We thought maybe that would get you to talk to us again if all else failed." Kokoro explained.

"I see." Misaki nodded, "I'm happy you would do that."

Someone hugged her. Misaki was able to tell it was Kokoro. Her scent was recognizable. A few seconds later, someone else joined the hug. Before long, all five of them were hugging.

Misaki smiled. She might complain about them a lot, but she did love them. She wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.


End file.
